I know it’s bad when I consider slapping a relaxer in my hair. Not that I am anti-relaxer. I loved my straight, flowing bob (Last seen some time in 2013). But I hate getting to the point of frustration that takes me to a place where I feel like I have no option but to chemically alter the texture of my hair. My intention for going natural (3 times) was clear– I wanted to learn to care for and appreciate my hair as is. Without the need to chemically straighten it. My hair was manageable and my hair was beautiful and I wanted to embrace that. But quite honestly, I haven’t felt that way for some time now. I’ve had failed style after failed style, and most days I wanted to either cut it off, relax it, or wear a scully every day for the rest of my life. I know that each and every one of those options is just a band-aid that wouldn’t even scratch the surface of the bigger problem, so I was faced with one simple truth– DO YOU!
I had to remind myself that there are no rules to wearing your hair natural. And that the expression in itself couldn’t limit or define me. Why am I limiting myself to someone else’s perception or experience as a natural? I am not obligated to only embrace wash and go’s because I have curly hair, just as I shouldn’t be scared of or condemned for applying heat (occasionally) to my hair. Wearing my hair straight (even if sans heat) or in buns, or roller sets doesn’t make me any less natural, and forcing my hair into styles I’m not comfortable with doesn’t make me any more. Not every person with curly hair that is classified as “natural” is required to wear twist outs, or use shea butter and coconut oil.
In my relaxed hair days, I was usually seen sporting two styles–down and curled or a bun. My fine texture called for light leave ins, moisturizers and serums, as heavy creams were way too heavy to my strands to take. Granted, my hair wasn’t the healthiest when it was relaxed, but I tried my best. I will admit that I have since learned a lot about hair health, and for that I am so grateful. But when I grew frustrated and overwhelmed with the way things were going, I took it back to the drawing board. As strange as it sounds, I can honestly say that bunning has saved not only my hair health, but my confidence. Some days I would look in the mirror and not appreciate the person who stared back at me with a frizzy, scraggly braid-out and curly roots. What was I doing wrong? I wasn’t being ME. I wasn’t listening to my hair. And I damn sure wasn’t feeling beautiful. Frustrated and desperately wanting to outgrow the “awkward stage”, I started bunning. Wearing my hair in twists. Keeping it pinned back and out of my face. And ironically, THIS is when I felt most confident. It reminded me of when I was younger and I would wear my signature bun or pin random pieces of my hair back, creating beautiful updos. I felt like myself again.
Today I straightened my hair using the roller set/flat iron method and I am very impressed with the results. (Pictorial coming soon.) The shine and body are out of this world, and I enjoyed seeing my hair flow in a direction that I haven’t been able to embrace in a while. Please do not misunderstand the message here. I am not implying that I only feel beautiful when my hair is up, or straightened. I am saying that I needed that revelation and reminder to be myself. I needed a break in what I was consuming myself with, and the expectations I had for my hair because “everyone else was doing it.” I needed to try something that worked so well for me before, to re-visit a time when I felt confident and true to myself– in order to bring that spirit back. While I will most certainly still be rocking my coils, my curly fro, and my notorious curly puff, I am happy that I have the ability to create versatility in my hair styling techniques. I am happy that I can embrace the beauty in the way my curls sprout from my head, but that I also have the freedom to stretch, manipulate, and style them however I like. I’m not a cookie cutter natural, and I never claimed to be. I am just a girl who has decided to embrace HER OWN kind of beautiful.
As I continue to experiment and learn which products and processes work best for my hair, I am holding true to one philosophy: I will stay true to myself. I will listen to my hair. I will do me, and I will have fun.
What has been your biggest lesson in your hair journey?
