Having a baby when you have a baby

I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy and I can’t believe that I have yet to blog about it. While I am overwhelmingly excited to be mothering another little, I can’t ignore the fact that I was initially terrified of starting over. Terrified of taking time away from my baby girl. Now two months (ish) shy of meeting my son, I am finally embracing the fact that my family is changing and my little girl is growing up. And I’m semi-okay with it.

Let me explain.

I was so worried about our relationship changing. I didn’t want to limit our adventures because mommy wasn’t able to do certain things. I didn’t want to explain to her that we couldn’t rumble and tumble because mommy was fragile. We had such a beautiful family dynamic that I was afraid of compromising that by forcing her to grow up to make room for someone else. I love watching her grow and become her own little person. I was enjoying her and I didn’t want to miss a thing. I was terrified to think that my baby would no longer be the baby.

But the beauty I’ve come to learn, is that having a baby when you have a baby is such an inspiring experience. It has helped me appreciate the evolution of my family. It has given me more appreciation and admiration for my daughter (as if I werent already in complete awe of her). It has given me hope and renewed my faith for a multitude of new adventures, memories, and experiences that await us as a family. And I’m so blessed to say that soon we will have two children to share this life with.

Although I’m sure I’ll  still have my weekly meltdowns about my baby growing up too fast, I must say that now–more than ever– I appreciate the little things that my big girl does to help make this transitional time a tad bit easier.

I’m so grateful for the little bit of independence she has started to display, and I thank God for this impeccable timing. When she insists on climbing the stairs “by self” it makes it easier for me to pace myself and climb along side her. When she helps mommy do things or find things, she has no idea how much she is helping me. I’m even grateful for her little back rubs.

I’m so impressed with how great of a big sister she has already become. She is always aware of her baby, kissing and rubbing my stomach. She talks to my stomach as though the baby is already here, looking up at her with warm cuddly eyes. No day is complete without acknowledging her baby brother. He gets good morning rubs, “Hi baby brother” kisses, she even shares with him. (By simply placing things on my belly, of course.)

I’m so proud of my baby big girl.

I realize that this may or may not be the calm before the storm. I am not doubting that going from one little to two is going to be a whirlwind, crazy, emotional… challenge. I fully accept that, and I am not downplaying it in the least. But I am forever grateful for God’s ability to speak to us through life experiences. I am blessed to acknowledge that perhaps there is beauty in our children growing up (not too fast though) because it allows us to appreciate them in every stage, and that with every life change, there is potential for an even greater bond to be built. We are already getting closer. And albeit scary, having a baby when you have a baby can be a very beautiful thing.